Recovering a Sense of Identity

pond artist way 2My artist date this week takes me out to a pond. It is a peaceful place to sit and ponder my creative well being. When Ms. Cameron talks about being blocked, I initially didn’t see myself as stuck and unable to write. However, the more I think about it in solitude, I know she is right. I let things get in the way of my writing.

Let me explain myself a little better. I do write, in fact I write a lot. I write comments on FB. I now faithfully write my morning pages. I write articles or stories for different submissions. I write postings here on my website. I write for different writing classes that I attend and I write when prompted in my writing group . I write as an apprentice in a social media, journalism, editing and writing program.

What I neglect because I am “busy” writing all those other things is my memoir. Don’t get me wrong, I add to it with each writing class I take and tweak a sentence here and there because of an idea within every book I read. I discover more about me each time I allow a moment to myself . But, I lack restraint to take quality time and put in the effort I need to actually get the final draft done.

I’ve been talking about it for a few years and my wife believes I should be done with it by now. She is one of those types that if the mood strikes her, she can write a beautiful piece from start to finish in one sitting. She tells me she isn’t a writer, she is an artist. I tell her she is beautiful, no matter what she chooses to be.

Hell, here I am writing to you about the writing I do and don’t do. So what stops me?

I love the writing courses I take. I love every bit of what I do and want to do more of it. I love to read and so many other things as well. I know the time commitment it takes to write, to really write. For me it also means solitude. I need quiet and I don’t get that here at home. I hear what goes on beyond the door of the study.

Lives are being lived. Dogs are having fun without me. My wife is enjoying the evening by herself. I miss sitting in there just occupying the space with her. But I don’t really miss out on anything as we spend quality time with each other any other night that I am not sitting here writing. Actually we now have changed the term writing to researching.

Each time I would walk out of the study, she would ask, “So honey, what did you write about tonight?” I then felt I needed to defend myself by saying that I am not always writing. Research, reading and thinking goes into writing the words on the paper. I am a dreamer that makes my dreams come true, one word at a time.